Prayer Experience

Prayer Experience One

After I qualified as a veterinarian, I volunteered to work on an agricultural project in South Korea for two years which was started by Columban Fr. P.J. McGlinchey. While attending Sunday Mass the time went very slowly. Not having any Korean, I sat, stood and kneeled in silence. I was familiar with most of the Mass, but the readings changed every week, as well as the sermon. I didn’t understand a word, so I just presumed it was different every week.

I had learned that Korean is phonetic (which means it sounds exactly as it reads with few exceptions), at least I could read along when the hymns and their numbers were listed before Mass on a notice board. It helped pass the time since I couldn’t understand the words in order to sing along with the congregation. Since I couldn’t speak (or sing) in Korean, the most boring parts of the Mass were the readings and the sermon. I sorted out the first problem by borrowing an English Sunday Mass missal from some of the Columban Sisters who were in a neighboring parish. Then I could read along with the Korean version and knew what was being said. This left the sermon, and Fr. P.J. McGlinchey was inclined to give a longish sermon! As boredom set in I began to read over the Gospel of the day and my imagination took over. I could see the scene and put myself into it, and even offer my opinion to Jesus and the disciples; sometimes I took on the role of one of the characters in the reading. Time passed easily, and I even had some fun. For example, in imagining the marriage feast at Cana I couldn’t understand how they ran out of wine. I had been at weddings in Ireland and in Korea and never experienced or heard of the drink running out. I decided the problem arose because Jesus was followed by His disciples, so they drank more than their share leading to a lack of drink. And it made sense for Mary to go to Jesus and encourage Him to do something about the wine shortage.

If we offer the time to God, He seems to use that time for what He knows is best for us.

With my imagination applied to different parts of the Gospel over the Sundays, I began to see Jesus in a different light – to see Him more as a person, and I realized that the disciples would have had the same experience.

During His lifetime, no one imagined Jesus as being God. As I read and imagined, I began to like and respect the Jesus I was meeting and wanted to be with Him, to be His friend and companion. If He seemed to make unreasonable demands like forgiving 70 times 7, I would tell Him in my imagination that I thought this was a bit much.

This was much better than saying “Amen” and forgetting about what He said. I would then have to feel the discomfort of disagreeing with my new mentor. This meant that I wasn’t ignoring the words of Jesus but had dialogue with Him and engaged with Him about His words.

Later, when I joined the seminary I found that what I was doing during the sermon was in fact “imaginative contemplation,” a type of prayer recommended by St. Ignatius of Loyola. I realized that all my life I had been taught prayers but not how to pray! Prayers were taught as a set formula and when one was asked if they knew their prayers it was asking if they had memorized words that someone else had made up.

The form of prayer using one’s imagination is quite easy – or at least it seemed easy when I didn’t know it was prayer. Some people think they have no imagination, but if you are able to recount some incident that happened in your life you can easily pray like this. In this the words you feel like speaking to Jesus are not imaginary, they are the sentiments you would like to express and can be more real than words you have learned by heart. And you will be able to judge whether the response you feel is made up; i.e. the response you want to hear or Jesus’ response to you. Sometimes you may not want to say anything but just remain in the scene and take it in and appreciate it. This too is a good prayer.

Prayer Experience Two

When I joined the Columbans and was in my spiritual year, the director of the spiritual year asked me why I wanted to become a missionary and why had I applied to join the Columbans. I had a very good experience as a volunteer in Jeju, so I told Fr. Michael Mohally I joined the Columbans because I wanted to go back to Korea, which was the truth. He informed me that as the Columbans worked in about seventeen different countries at that time, and there was no guarantee that I would be sent to Korea after ordination (if I reached that stage). Instead, I could be sent to any one of the seventeen countries.

As I read and imagined I began to like and respect the Jesus I was meeting and wanted to be with him, to be His friend and companion.

This information presented me with a bit of a crisis at that time: I didn’t want to spend all those years at study and end up somewhere I didn’t want to go. Wanting to return to Korea was a big part of my vocation – or at least a large part of my path on being open to missionary priesthood. However, I decided to stay in the formation program and within a short time we were introduced to our first silent retreat directed by Fr. Paddy Smyth. Fr. Paddy gave me some scripture passages to use for prayer but he emphasized that I should approach God as a beggar. I did what he told me but with some resistance. I was a qualified veterinarian, I had some life experience, so I didn’t consider myself a beggar. And, anyway, there was nothing specific I wanted to beg for or ask for; I was fairly content with my lot in life. Fr. Paddy also asked me to look at nature and how God took care of all creatures and how animals and birds trusted Him. Half tongue in cheek I shared with Fr. Paddy how I had seen the squirrels collecting nuts for the winter – not showing much trust in God! This didn’t phase him, and he continued to asked me to take the attitude of a beggar before God. I think the retreat lasted four or five days as Fr. Mick thought that a longer retreat might be a bit offputting for us “newcomers.” In fact, to me, the retreat didn’t seem long at all. Apart from what I mentioned above I don’t have any memory of the content of my prayer. All I know is that after the retreat I got a great sense of peace when I realized that I no longer cared where I would be sent on mission. I was prepared to go anywhere I would be sent. This was a great gift, because if I still held onto my attachment to Korea, it may have become an excuse to leave the seminary if things got a little tough. I am pretty sure I didn’t ask specifically for this grace, but God obviously gave what He knew I needed. In a way, the words we use in the content of our prayers isn’t as important as I had thought. If we offer the time to God, He seems to use that time for what He knows is best for us.

Prayer Experience Three

After ordination I was sent to Korea, and about 15 years ago I was sent as the parish priest to the community on Jeju where I had years previously worked as a vet. I was also asked to help out Fr. P.J. McGlinchey who had started the Isidore farm and all sorts of other projects including a nursing home, a free hospice for the dying, a youth development center, a retreat house, a shrine where thousands come to pray, a feed mill, and a kindergarten – among other things!

A number of years ago there was some labor strife on the farm, and some of the workers affiliated themselves with a very radical union. There was a lot of tension in negotiating the labor management agreement. It became so troublesome that the union members were organizing all sorts of demonstrations outside local government offices and outside churches. The union said they would hold off for a while if I was put in charge of negotiations on behalf of Isidore. I didn’t want this, but the local bishop asked me to take on the task for the sake of peace. I tried to get out of it as negotiations would be difficult in one’s own language– never mind in a foreign language, especially Korean – but it was given to me very much against my will. The union gave me less than a week to study up on labor law and on the practicalities of negotiations. The union had some legitimate grievances, and in the beginning I supported them. I also had to get a crash course in Korean labor law.

Within a few weeks we had signed a union/management agreement and I was looking forward to a break. But within minutes of signing, the union sent an official request to begin wage negotiations. There followed a flow of demands for information and documents.

Some of the demands I could understand, but the local union representative also had a huge hatred for the farm manager which I could understand. The negotiations become more based on bad feelings rather than on issues. After the manager left, I thought things would be easier with the union, but instead the anger formerly directed at the manager was now directed at Isidore and at me as the representative. So we had a couple of years of labor strife based not on any particular issue, but on the anger within the labor union.

I was finding the negotiations tiring and very difficult. I suffered from some depression, not wanting to get out of the bed in the morning to face the day and when I was away from the farm for a night I dreaded returning. I would arrive back in the parish just barely in time for the midday Mass.

Every day I would bring my problems to prayer. I found it very difficult to deal with the friction and the problems and the hatred being directed against the farm and me. I suppose I was also afraid of being a failure. While the ongoing tension with the union continued, I realized that I was beginning to hate those who were giving me a rough time and even to dislike the workers who didn’t directly oppose me stayed quiet while the union rep made life difficult for me. This was done in the hope that their wages or working conditions would improve. I felt resentment and anger and even the beginnings of hatred building up in me. It even severely challenged my beliefs in the rights of workers to have a union.

I then changed my focus and “begged” God that even if he didn’t sort out the problems for me at least help me not to become hateful or to change into the type of person I didn’t want to be.

I had prayed all sorts of prayers asking God to solve the problems or make them go away. I can honestly report that having tried all sort of prayer none of them worked! I then changed my focus and “begged” God that even if he didn’t sort out the problems for me at least help me not to become hateful or to change into the type of person I didn’t want to be.

God answered this prayer. It wasn’t that I had used some magic technique or some “better” form of prayer, it just happened that God gave me the grace I needed not to hate in spite of all the things which were pushing me in that direction. Dealing with the union was still tiresome and bothersome but not hateful from my side. In fact, I began to pity the local union leader as I could see what his hatred was doing to him. He had no reason to hate me, but he had nowhere else to direct the hatred he felt for the former manager. He was holding onto his hurt and hatred, and it affected his relationship with his family and friends and co-workers. Not being able to forgive made his life miserable. He was indeed to be pitied even as he struck out at me.

Eventually, after a few years, the problems with the union sorted themselves out (in fact, I got an apology from the central leadership of the union), but if it was in response to my prayer it certainly took God a long time to get it sorted out! Maybe God hears our prayers but acts in His own time.

Fr. Michael Riordan lives and works in South Korea.